does she ever get the girl?

why dont you believe me
when i tell you
that guys like me
realy arent for girls like you
cause girls like you
got bigger things ahead of them
guys like me hide in closets
and close the door
and live only for the
next day cause
we dont see no future
and girls like you
got a whole world in front of them
and girls like you
can take trash
and make art and guys like me
can only make trash like this
and
poets only end up as
old drunkerds anyway
and girl you got wings
you gotta look hard enough
and these closed off spaces
and suffecating moments
you can leave in the dust
cause girls like you
have so much more to live for
then guys like me


no day but today

too much

remember that night-
when you told me
that i drink too much
and i smoke too much
well didnt i tell you?
dont you remember what wordsworth said
the world is too much
with us
and it hurts
so much
cause there aint enough
to make it okay
cause its always gonna be
too much
so if i drink too much
or i smoke too much
and yeah
if it hurts too much
or i love you
too much
dont forget what i told you
that night
remember what wordsworth said
cause the world is
too much

my muse

my father abbandoned me
sometime after he abandoned himself
i have no freinds except you
and
im so afraid
like this bottle your dark
like my flag your red
like my arms
you are crimson
cause i never knew love
until i met you
and your that good kind
thats everybody tells me is so bad
but i know you
my muse
i know you
but you know me
better than i know myself
my muse
cause were in the dark together
and pain never felt better
and everything
is
crimson
just like you
my muse

cut my wrists and black my eyes

a swirl of thoughts
a million words

i feel used
this isnt right
we have to save this fucked up planet
thanks for coming

and one of those three in the morning nights
with the god damned book for the 9th time
it hurts every time i read it
some nights i feel infininate
but most i just cry

we accept the love we think we deserve

the world...

the world belongs to us
dont believe me?
well the world belongs to us
cause theres billions of us
and only a few of them
and from falluja
to hiroshima
from dresdon
to ohio
they act like they own the worold
and they do
but theres billions of us
and only a few of them
billions, have never taken it lying down
from chiapes to falluja
from nepal to peru
and even in ohio
the world belongs to us
in gaza and rammalah
kaffiah, gun, and rock
is shaping the future
and falluja is not alone
baghad
sammara
all of iraq can not be tamed
with guns and planes and thousands of soldiers
do you get it yet?
the world belongs to us
look in nepal
where 70 percent is ours
started with two guns
and peasents have lands
and the sisters are free
get it now?
cause they got big guns
and bigger weapons yet
religion
empire
democracy
but guess what
the world belongs to us
cause theres billion of us
and only a few of them

just for fun

i only do surveys i take from eszti.... heres this

-last word you said: you
-last song you sang: some random get up kids song
-last thing you laughed at: your mom
-last time you cried: today
.PRESENT.
-what's in your cd player: in the car is a bob avakian talk (bobavakian.net) in the bedroom is mineral
-what color socks are you wearing: argyle, duh!
-what's under your bed: nothing, i dont use a frame
-what time did you wake up today: sometime after i was supposed to be in class
.FUTURE.
-what is your career going to be: getting paid for reading books?
-where are you going to live: fuck if i know, i do <3 ny but who knows
-how many kids do you want: none.. but i want to be an uncle
-what kind of car will you drive: something hot and little
.CURRENT.
-current hair: scandanivan blonde, but kind of dirty just got it cut so its sort of pre-shag with just enough product
-current clothes: argyles, chucks, low rise jeans cuffed, hoodie, tight black tee shirt, jean jacked
-current jewelry: friendship bracelet
-current annoyance: lack of alcohal
-current smell: glacier bay and smoke
-current longing: true love... obviously
-current desktop picture: the revolutionary internatinalist movement logo- a world breaking through chains
-current favorite music artist: hawthorne heights
-current book: the real life of sebastian knight- nabokov, collapse of the 2nd internatinal-lenin
-current worry: skrilla
-current hate: bush
-story behind your username: indian maoist gurriallas, look it up on the internet
-current favorite article of clothing: scarves
-one person you wish was here right now: jacqueline
-line from the last thing you wrote to someone: they suck
-i am happiest when: coffee.cigarettes.books.demonstrations.making out
-i feel lonely when: right now
-favorite authors: joyce, dylan thomas, mao, steinbeck, bob avakian, sallinger,
-do you think too much: you cant
-if you could live anywhere in the world, where: rolpa, neapl
-famous person you have met: some obscure communists i think are really cool, the dude from piebald, the smashing pumpkins
-do you have any regrets: 'forget regret, or life is yours to miss'
-sex or love: love... but deffinetly both
-favorite coffee: good... black dark and bitter... but that doesnt mean bad
-favorite smell: nag champra, glacier bay, cigarette, bree
-what makes you mad: imperialist fucks
-favorite way to waste time: driving
-what is your best quality: my body!
-are you currently in love/lust: jesse hudnutt is lust... im not in love with anyone persay
-what's the craziest thing you have ever done: there was jail, and drinking and driving in high school, some random sexcapeds
-any bad habits: smoking, which i love...
-do you find it hard to trust people: it's not hard, it's just that i dont' do it much.
-last thing you bought yourself: coffee
-bath or shower: shower for the love of god i love showers
-favorite season: summer
-favorite color: pink, red, black (hows that for indicision)
-favorite time of day: whenever night begines
-gold or silver: silver
-any secret crushes: do i have secrets? who the fuck doesn
.FASHION.
-how many coats and jackets do you own: lots and lots
-do you wear a watch: no, but i wouldnt mind one htough
-favorite pants color: grey jeans
-most expensive item of clothing: i have some dressier things from keneth cole, like a jacket... that may be it
-most treasured: great jeans
.YOUR FRIENDS.
-do your friends know you: a few
-what do they tend to be like: gay, pretty, liberal, and from the westside
-can you count on them: most of the time
-can they count on you: some of the time
.LAST.
-last book you read: yeats sellected poems
-last movie you saw: half of enemy of the state (i live with a fucking film buff)
-last movie you saw on the big screen: jesus... its been so fucking long i dont remember, coffee and cigarettes i think
-last show you watched on tv: sabrina!
-last song you heard: your no rock and roll fun, sleater kinney
-last thing you ate: chicken
-last time you showered: a few days ago (we onlly have a bath in my apt.)
-last time you smiled: "you have made me smile again, in fact i might be sore from it, its been a while"
-last person you hugged: eszti
-last person you kissed: fake or real?... bastards i dont kiss and tell
-last person you talked to online: mitch
-last person you talked to on the phone: jacqueline
.DO YOU.
-smoke: lots
-do drugs: sometimes
-drink: yes... for love of god yes
-sleep with stuffed animals: not in a few years
-play an instrument: no...
-believe there is life on other planets: its seems likely
-read the newspaper: the motherfuckin revolutionary worker fools
-have any gay or lesbian friends: do i have any non gay or lesbian friends?
-believe in miracles: certailnly not
-consider yourself tolerant: depends
-consider police a friend or foe: foe... deffinetly...deffinetly foe
-like the taste of alchohol: most
-have a favorite stooge: no... umm
-believe in astrology: no, but i read my horescope
-believe in magic: no
-pray: certailnly not
-go to church: not for church
-have any secrets: sure
-have any pets: no
-go or plan to attened college: cleveland state, but my hearts at elmhurst college
-talk to strangers: yeah sure
-have any piercings: not yet
-have any tattoos: i have a few in mind...
-hate yourself: sometimes
-wish on stars: not for serious, but we are stardust
-like your handwriting: have you seen my handwriting?
-believe in witches: no
-believe in ghosts: no
-believe in santa: no
-believe in the easter bunny: this is getting ridiculous
-believe in the tooth fairy: sus
-have a second family: not cohesive
-trust others easily: depends
-sing in the shower: frequently

these never are as much fun as they look
maybe well get a poem tommorw, who knows

the ashtray says...

you were up all night
530 am
codine
burritos
coffee
nabokov
and anything
anything
to dull the pain
to save me from myself
this warm coffeeshop
aint nothing
like whats inside
me
and last night
the wind snaked through the trees
like the cold down my spine
and the emptiness inside
cause whats in my heart
doesnt match my head
and me feet wont follow
anything
but a throbing electronic beet
that tells them to
run

affirmation

cold wind
exposed skin
chbosky
moshi moshi
god damn it
faster faster
life doesnt move
life beats
like two hearts lying together
spilled wine
sylvia plath
god damn it
faster faster
lifes moving before i can jump
but
god
damn
it
im gonna live
passion
faster faster
wurthering heights
taught me a lot
about how to live
but more importantly
about how to write life
god damn it
faster faster
so much passion
you hurt your fingers on the keyboard
but thats better than hurting your arm
with a fucking razor
no time to pause there
cause the worlds moving
jump on
god damn it
faster faster
im a poet
god damn it

bread and roses

lawrence mass
1912
tens of thousands of women textile workers go on strike
to demand fair wages and better hours
safe working conditions
overtime pay
an end to child labor
they are brutally attacked
housed firebombed
children harrased
leaders jailed
two young women carried a banner
"we want bread yes, but roses too"
and aint that the truth
and aint that what our lives need to be
but aint that god damned hard
cause its always good films
and bizzare hookups
redwine and degrassi
the format and old d/c records
joni mitchell told me to be a free man in paris
bertolucci painted it on the screen
fitgerald touched my soul with it
its always been going_home
but now i just want to leave
they told me to live like its the latest attraction
but i do it hiden in a closet and a corner
where no one can see inside of me
tyring to finding an escape
go back down back to my sweet home
but god damn it
red wine and sex and books
wont change the fucking world
but neither will bread alone
bread and roses
bread and roses

your first stalker

we've had a million moments
no not a million
525600
to be precise
'cause thats how i measure my life
and your voice made me giddy like a school girl
as much as i miss how it was
i know it wont be like that again
but i just want to be part of your life
i need you to be a part of my life
you might be doing fine without me
but im not doing fine without you
the prettiest girl, to enter this dump. she drank all of the whisky
but she left the rum, and tonight ill take what i can get
ill be a little creapy, i am getting old
and i think thats why ive learned some things
that brought me back to you

making out
long drives
brown eyes
guys the just dont quite fit in
dishing the dirt on the whole class
talking the big smack
playing the fool
wearing all of the latest fashions
bucking the new trends
wearing your old threads
coffee in the evenings
waiting through all of your bad bad days just to end them with someone you care about
dreaming of things so impossible

i still love it all
i think you do to

if they steal the election....

no buisness as usual!
a single spark can start a prarie fire!

another fucking november

more freeverse style
old and new tracks
kind of like my arm
sometimes you gotta say
no more
and even though
this place is a prison
you gotta ground yourself in reality
and dream of things
so impossible
like chicago... and mystery
im still missing you
i wont forget anything
we too are stardust